yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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