i always forget guys have bellybuttons
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
