so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
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Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
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If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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