i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
