Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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