Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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