I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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