I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
