if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
