i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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