Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize