You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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