there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
