Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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