420 ftw
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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