I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
