How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize