Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
