he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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