Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
