that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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