someone get that fucking seahorse.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
