wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Randomize
