i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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