I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
