Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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