I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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