too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
