I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
