You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
