I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
