It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
