is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize