Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
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