i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
