next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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