Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
