Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
