some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
