Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
