If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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