She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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