i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
