The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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