Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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