remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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