Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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