did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
