i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Randomize
