FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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