You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
