Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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