You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize