.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
