I want to walk on stilts...naked
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
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