woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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