Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
