My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
