Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Randomize