omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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