Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
