You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
