38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
