Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
