Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
