sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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