I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
