Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
