I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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