I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
